Closed Fist, Open Arms

This weekend we rode up to Asheville to attend a service at Missio Dei, the church that Lori attended while she was studying at UNC Asheville. There was a laid-back atmosphere that made me feel very comfortable and welcome, and the band was a whole lot better than the one last week, complete with drums, bass, and electric guitar. I was not surprised by the eclectic mix of people of all ages and backgrounds, seeing as that is an accurate cross-section of the city itself. At one point a small child mimicked her mother by raising her hands in the air to God. It was ridiculous and beautiful at the same time, one too young to understand the concept of God but smiling and enjoying the presence of something greater than herself nonetheless. It made me want to be young and pure again, open to anything that came my way without getting caught up in the complexities of God, religion, and metaphysics. When I talk to people that have been "saved" the conversation ultimately comes to a dead end because my line of questioning is based on a logical understanding of the world around me, and their faith exists outside the plane of logic. So I turn to questions of philosophy and still don't understand how one man could be responsible for the salvation of the entirety of humanity. It just doesn't make sense...to me. The sermon was an exploration of Unity, and we were asked to think of Unity not as universal tolerance or conformity, but as a united front of believers of redemption through Christ. "The trinity," we were told, "is not up for debate." I tried to feel what it's like to believe. I really did. I cleared my mind and heart and took Communion, but I got bogged down by what the damn cracker tasted like and whether Jesus' blood was a Merlot or a Cabernet. Then I just felt stupid. How do I not get this? And what is it that makes me want to get it? Is it possible for me to understand Faith through someone or something other than Jesus Christ? It must be, considering there are like 4 billion people out there that have never even heard of Jesus and seem to be doing alright. I am forever trying to grab a hold of something I don't believe to be tangible, only to have it slip through my fingers when I try to close my fist. So, unlike last week, I tried to keep my focus on the positive aspects of welcoming and community, chatting with old friends of Lori's as she got caught up on their lives and looking forward to a healthy lunch and the motorcycle ride home. We drove through Pisgah National Forest on the way home and it was the second most beautiful thing I have ever seen; mountain-sized Chia Pets as far as the eye could see! We took some fantastic pictures and really let the bike loose for the first time since we've been riding together. I can't explain the smile that ripped across my face as we zipped through those wooded turns...just as I can't explain God.